One step at a time.

I have a tendency to easily overwhelm myself when trying to accomplish a task. That's because I don't view a task as just one task. I envision whatever chore/job/task needs to be done, so that the next thing can be done, so that the next thing can be done, etc., until at last, the final goal has been accomplished.


Can you say....panic attack?!


I also have an inherent need to perform a list of tasks in the most efficient order possible. There have been times when I simply did not complete a project, or even start on some occasions, just because I couldn't figure out or decide the best way to execute a to-do list. This idiosyncrasy goes hand in hand with my avoidance issues.


Oh yeah, I am a therapist's dream come true - or quite possibly, worst nightmare! (I'm guessing the latter of the two.) But wait....there's more!


If all that weren't enough to make my heart beat uncontrollably until it feels like it will burst from my chest, there is yet another obstacle between me and the finish line. The outcome. Rather than focus on the task at hand, I usually obsess on the final outcome. What will happen, WHEN will it happen, will I be happy when all is said and done? Then from there, it's usually a downward spiral of negative thoughts like, "God why didn't I just do _______ and _______ in the first place? How did I let myself get like this? Look at me, I'm such a waste of a life/person/space/air."


What brought on these thoughts tonight was moving to Colorado. As I mentioned in a previous post, I would really love to do so this May. And as I also previously mentioned, since losing my job last November, I've been forced to postpone my move indefinitely. Not the end of the world, I'll get there eventually. But my typical "I want it now" mindset has caused me to really be in the dumps lately. I DO want to move back to Colorado. I'd leave tomorrow if it were possible! But I can't, and I'm 99.999% sure I won't be able to this May or even this summer. I know that, and now I have to start dealing with it, rather than moping around. When will I be able to move? I don't know. What I do know is that I need to start making the best of my life here in Arizona instead of being a whiny baby about my temporary residence.


So, going forward, no more wah wah...I want to live there and not here...wah wah! I'm here, can't move there just yet, END OF STORY!


I'm going to try my best and take the long string of events necessary to make my eventual move to Colorado one step at a time. Step one...get a job (or 3). That is ALL I'm going to focus/stress/think about for now. Got it brain? That's IT!