Hello money fairies? It's me, Wendy.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I want to move back to the Denver area preferrably this May or sometime during the summer. I came to this decision in the later part of last year, at which time I thought moving in May would be ideal. That way, I would have enough time to save up money, purge and sell some stuff, spend one more holiday season with my bff, lose a lot of weight, take care of all divorce related things, etc. Plus my sister has to move out of her place in May, so she'll be crashing with our parents until I move there as we plan on being roommates. However, I didn't plan on losing my job last November.

As of today, I am still umemployed, another thing I didn't plan on. I still really want to move in May. I moved to my current house at the end of last June, on a day so hot it may have been possible to fry on egg on the sidewalk. This is why I want to move in May! I do not want a repeat of that blistering experience! My dad and brother mostly likely will fly out to help with the move and I do not want them (especially my dad) schlepping my heavy things in 100+ temps.

May, and this summer for that matter, is coming up fast! If I move in May, that gives me three months to find a job and save up enough money. Right now I don't have any money. None. I'm on unemployment (my first time ever and I hate it) which is just enough to pay rent, phone & internet, car insurance, gas, and minimal groceries. Not to mention the registration on my car is due in March, I'm almost positive I'll owe for taxes this year, plus I really should get at least new tires on my car. Then there's the issue of when I'll actually be employed again. God I hope it's sooner rather than later, but at this point I'm not very hopeful. And as much as I want to be back in Colorado ASAP, I can't let potential employers know if I want them to hire me! I feel super guilty accepting a position knowing in my head that it is only temporary. But originally I thought I would have at least six months to commit to a new job and that eased my conscience slightly.

I guess the point I'm trying to make but haven't wanted to admit is that I don't think I'm moving anywhere any time soon. Nothing was ever set in stone, but I had it in my mind for several months now that May was it. I could shoot for this fall, but then I have a whole new weather related concern to think about. Snow. I don't think my dad or brother would be very thrilled driving a U-Haul in snow and/or ice.

Oh well. First things first. Get a job and I'll go from there I guess. Unless I win the lottery, which hello, would be freaking sweet! Hey, a girl can dream can't she?!

If I could go back in time and ask the five year old me what I should do, she would tell me, "Why don't you just get some money out of the wall?" =)

To Do list.

#1: End miserable, sham of a marriage. Check!
My ex and I were married June 28th, 2003. For pretty much our entire marriage, my STBXH ignored me in every way a husband can ignore his wife. He also lied to me, his family, my family, and even himself I think about his desire to have children. My life long dream has always been to be a mommy. I finally admitted to myself this was never going to happen with him, despite all his claims that he thought we could start trying next year. It was always "next year". I was so lonely and depressed (because of course all the reasons I was being ignored were MY fault) that at around 4 years I started to sort of wish I could fall asleep and never wake up again. Once I admitted everything to my bff (I kept it all a secret from everyone, although some friends & family figured it out on their own.), I realized I was not willing to give up my ultimate dream and remain miserable with a man who only wanted me to cook, clean, grocery shop, and contribute financially and NOTHING ELSE. So now I am back on my own. I still may never get the opportunity to be a mother, but at least I am not his gay beard slave anymore!

#2: Lose weight and get in shape! In progress
I have a lot of weight to lose. A LOT! I'll go into more detail in another post.

#3: Improve self esteem.
This is definitely a work in progress and may always be. I've struggled with this most of my life. So actually learning to like myself *gasp* might be more difficult than attaining my goal weight. Time and a lot of hard work can only tell. Losing weight certainly will help!

#4: Move back to Colorado
I'm hoping to move back to the Denver area sometime this summer. I'd prefer to move in May before every day here in Phoenix is 110+ degrees. But as I am unemployed and very short on funds at the moment, this move might have to be delayed a month or two. Or maybe more, but hopefully not. My younger sister, Carlie, and I want to rent a place together. We'll be quite the household with our combined 3 dogs and 2 cats, plus ourselves! We are both super excited and looking forward to decorating our place with gorgeous furniture and art, rehabbed and crafted by our creative and skillful hands. Hopefully my younger brother, Kyle, doesn't end up moving out of state before I get there! I can just see the look on our dad's face when we show up at his house with all 4of our dogs; Kira, Dexter, Finley, and Murphy. Plus Cooper, my dad & stepmom's puppy, makes it a grand total of five adorable doggies! We will have to somehow convince him that five dogs in one's home is NOT too many dogs!

There is more to do, but these 4 goals are my top priority at the moment and I think will make the biggest positive impact on my life. Well that and finding a job ASAP!