Houston, we have a problem.

I wasn't planning on posting a second time tonight. (Err, or should I say this morning?!) However, since I plan on using my blog as a method of holding myself accountable, I felt it necessary.

"Avoidance is definitely my coping mechanism of choice!" I read this tonight on my friend Angelika's blog. It stopped me cold in my tracks because that is me to a tee. Not that I didn't realize this before. I guess with the way I've been feeling the last few days (oh that abhorrent emotional roller coaster of mine) combined with my friend's astute and witty writing, it just...well, hit me! You know when you are already aware of a personal flaw, but then you hear, see, or in my case read something, and it's almost like having an epiphany? And you think (or say) to yourself, "Oh my gosh! That's ME!" Yep, that's how it went down tonight, folks. I'm surprised I didn't swallow a fly while I sat here staring at my laptop with my mouth agape!

My avoidance issues are the bane of my existence. Literally my biggest roadblock to peace of mind, a healthy self esteem, and happiness. Nike says, "Just Do It". If only it were that easy. I ask myself all. the. time. "Gah, why can't I just DO it? Why can't I be normal?" Why can't I just (insert whatever needs to be done) so that a problem doesn't develop in the first place? My parents used to tell me, "You know if just did (insert task) it would make things so much easier for you". I know! So why can't I? What's stopping me? Depression? Maybe. Is it self sabotage? Possibly. Laziness? That's a big, fat yes for sure! How do I motivate myself to do the everyday basic but essential things? I have no idea. I know my parents tried everything they could think of.

Okay, so I've made a list of four things (nothing terribly difficult) that I need to do tomorrow and one thing I need not to do. I'll report back tomorrow to post whether or not I accomplished all of these. And maybe next time I'll be brave enough to add my "to do" and "not to do" list!