The Meeting

Well, I met him.  Boy, did he live up to my expectations and then some!  Friendly, hot, polite, smart, hot, funny, hot...did I say hot?  I already thought he was super cute based on his pictures.  But someone went and got himself a haircut and a shave and WOW, what an improvement!  Eye candy, I tell ya!

We exchanged phone numbers, so now I'm playing the waiting game and hoping beyond hope that he calls.  It's only been one day, and of this evening, I'm already starting to doubt that he will.  Or he'll call/email/text with bad news.  So stupid, I know, but I'm so afraid that my weight (I thought I looked pretty dang good despite my current extra baggage!) may cause him to be uninterested.  I would never do this, but I wish I could show him a photograph of my former svelte self and say this is what I normally look like and will look like again SOON!  I did get the impression when I walked in the coffee shop (he got there first) and while we were ordering that he was impressed with what he saw.  I could be totally wrong, but I really felt like I got that vibe.  Here's hoping!!!

UPDATE:  (It's now the twelfth.)  He just called!!!  He wants to meet again for coffee in about a week.  EEEEK!!!  Of course I am so excited, but my paranoia has already kicked into high gear.  If a guy were a true gentleman, which I believe he might be, wouldn't going for coffee be the perfect opportunity to say "thanks, but no thanks"? 

Ugh, a whole week of anxiety.  I wonder how many pounds I will lose this time?  ;cp

And I realize I probably sound like a lovesick teenager.  Rest assured that I am not.  I do not want to rush into anything, but I really like this guy and so want the chance to get to know him better and vice versa. 

I'll either update this later or most likely start a new post. 

KEEP YOUR FINGERS CROSSED FOR ME, PLEEEEEEAAAAASSSSSE!!!!

UPDATE PART DEUX:  (It's now the 19th.)  So since he called a week ago, he's text me once, and we chatted online once - the chat I intiated.  But nothing has been scheduled yet for a second meeting.  Boo!  I know he has a very busy schedule, but I'm getting a little impatient.  Not really impatient with him, per se.  I just really want to know if he felt any sort of connection.

My sister says I should text him.  My friend says I should wait and let him contact me.  I'm having lunch with another friend tomorrow, who has yet to be filled in on all of this, so maybe her opinion will help me decide whether to call/text him or not.  And, I might even ask my brother what he thinks. 

Oy!

By the way, I'm down 13 pounds since November 3rd!  Hooray!

Weight loss

I am in shock right now!  Somehow I've lost 8 pounds this last week!  Woot!

Back in the saddle again

Well, it has finally happened!  Or, should I say, is going to happen. 

I am going on my first date meeting since June of 2002!  (That's when I went of my first date with my XH, the last man I've dated.) 

I really hadn't even considered dating since my divorce until recently.  Not that I didn't want to.  I just assumed that I was too fat for any guy to be interested in me.  That I lacked a career and financial stability.  That I was, in general, not good enough for anyone. 

After a friend of mine signed up for a free dating website, I thought, what the heck.  It might be interesting to see if anything happens.  To my surprise, I received a LOT of inquiries!  The majority of them have been from guys I would probably never consider dating; such as 50 year men (okay, sooooooo technically Colin Firth is 15 years old than me, but he can be my sugar daddy any day, RAWR), men I'm fairly certain were seeking a green card or hoping to dupe me into some sort of scam, even a 20 year old (haha, no), or just men I would never consider in a million years going out with.  Despite my low self-esteem, I have pretty high standards.  But, every now and then, I get a message from someone seemingly decent, who even tickles my fancy. 

This someone and I are meeting for coffee a week from tomorrow!  Oh.  Em.  Gee.  I am so excited, nervous, and scared!!!  Most of my anxiety stems from my weight.  I haven't always been overweight.  I can and will lose this extra weight!  In fact, I'm pretty sure I could get back in shape and back to my normal size relatively quickly if I really tried and stuck with a healthy eating and exercise plan.  So, I'm hoping he is able and willing to overlook my temporary physique and doesn't find me too revolting.  Or boring.  Ugh...that's another worry. 

I'd love to share a few details about him, but for the sake of privacy, I'm not going to.  Let's just say he's super smart, possesses many qualities and talents that I find very attractive, and he's pretty cute too!

Chances are I'll follow up this blog entry with a new one post-meeting/date, so check back to see how it goes!  And if you don't mind, please pray this meeting isn't a total disaster! 

OMG!  Did I say that already?  OMG OMG OMG!!! 

Now, how do I go a whole week without eating anything?  Just kidding!  Maybe.  No, really, I am.  I think.  Okay, I'm joking, for reals y'all.  So simmer down.

Where did I go? What am I thinking? An update....

Forgive me blog readers, for I have sinned. It has been 81 days since my last confession blog entry. 

Wow, almost three months have gone by in what seems like a blink of an eye!  What the heck have I been up to, you ask?  Well, I wish I could tell you that in the last (almost) three months I've lost a significant amount of weight, my job is going well, I'm meeting new people and making new friends, and have a plan in place for my move back to Colorado.  I'd really, really love to tell you all of those things, especially that last part.  However, in reality (GAH!) I'm still the same weight (huge), I lost my job, I'm lonelier than ever, and the worst part....it is going to take a freaking miracle for me to be able to move to Colorado at the end of my lease.  If I can't move back to Colorado next April, I might quite possibly die from sadness.

The job.  Oh. The. Job.  That place was awful!  Okay, the place was fine, but the doctor and his wife (quasi-office manager) were awful.  As I mentioned in a previous post, I was hired as a full-time, permanent employee pending a 90-day trial period, in which I could be let go if they thought it wasn't a good fit, and vice versa.  Apparently I wasn't a good fit, because after two months, I was let go due to my inability to "keep up with the pace of the clinic". 

Did that come across as bitter?  Because I meant it to!  I'm just a teeny, tiny bit irritated about the "training" I received (or the lack thereof) and the fact that the first time I ever got any feedback regarding my performance was when they were firing me.  Oh gosh, pardon me for not being a clairvoyant!!!  And before anyone assumes this is just another typical "I-didn't-do-anything-wrong" terminated employee rant, let me put something into perspective here.  On my first day, I was trained for a few hours then set free.  And by training, I mean, stand behind my coworker and watch while she goes about her job at warp speed.  In comparison, the new girl (who ended up being my replacement) got the luxury of having the same coworker stand behind her for a week to guide her (the new girl) through all of the clinic's front office procedures.  So am I bitter?  Hell yeah!  Did I like that job?  I really tried to, but no, I was pretty miserable.  But, it was a paycheck which I was very grateful for.  Not to mention, I tried really hard and worked hard and I still failed.  Usually when I give something my all, I do quite well, so to fail was truly a slap in the face. 

So, I'm back on the job hunt again, and as you probably guessed, it is not going well. 

Regarding being lonely....I find myself in quite a quandary as of late.  It has to do with my mother, whom I've only seen once since my wedding over seven years ago and spoken to just a few times, the last time being in 2005, I believe.  Also, my half-sister, whom I haven't seen since, gosh, sometime in 2002, I think?  My sister and I have tried communicating a few times via Myspace and Facebook.  All of those attempts resulted in complete disaster.  We've successfully been "friends" on Facebook for several months now, but with barely any interaction.  I honestly never thought I would say this, but I think I MIGHT be ready to slowly bring them back into my life again.  The thought of doing so literally terrifies me!  (I used to nearly have a panic attack at mere thought of having to speak to my mother.)  Here's where the loneliness comes in...Am I only considering doing this just because I am so desperate for companionship and/or family?  If that's the case, then no, I don't want to do it.  I'd rather be lonely than risk reopening all those emotional wounds.  I want to potentially rebuild my relationships with my mom and sister because I'm ready to and have the desire to do so.  But how do I know why I'm kind of, sort of, maybe considering reaching out to them?  And if it turns out that I do want to and am ready to, should I?  What if it's exactly like it was before?  What a HUGE disappointment that would be!

Boo hormones!

In case I haven't already made this spectacularly clear by now, I really, really, REALLY want to be a mommy someday.  But being that I'm 35 and divorced, I've realized the chances of my lifelong dream coming to fruition are slim.  Some may call that being pessimistic, I call it being realistic.  I'm not saying it won't ever happen, but I know it is unlikely.

So, in order to prevent myself from falling into a black hole of depression over it, I repress the desire.  Most of the time that works pretty well for me.  I can delight in my friends' children, squeal and coo over adorable kiddie photos that pop up in my Facebook news feed umpteen times a day, happily attend baby showers, and genuinely be excited upon news of a friend's BFP or brand new bundle of joy.  Then that time of the month before that time of month rears it's ugly head and unlocks the door to a place I keep buried very deep down inside me.

Tonight it's that time of the month.  The time before the fatigue, before the cramps start, before the Midol. 
It's like Aunt Flo's evil twin sister (if you can get more evil than Aunt Flo) arrived and waved her magic wand.  Presto, change-o!  Just like that, Wendy's been transformed from happy admirer of her friends' lovely families to sad and very envious.  Boo, stupid hormones!

I just have to get through the next week and hopefully I'll be back to my happier, less jealous self after I relock the "mommy door" and go back to repressing my baby urges.  At least until next month....

HOORAY!!!

I am finally employed again!  I was hired as a receptionist at an animal hospital (what I used to do) and start tomorrow!  Technically, there is a 90 day trial period in which either my new employer or myself can say, "Thanks, but no thanks", but hopefully I'll rock their socks and stay for a long, long time! 

I am going to be one tired woman this week.  5 AM wake-up call, ouch!

Here's to my first paycheck!  :::raises imaginary glass of bubbly:::

It's so hot in Arizona that....

• the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
• the potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
• farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
• the cows are giving evaporated milk.
• the trees are whistling for the dogs.
• you no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
• you can say 113 degrees without fainting.
• you eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
• you can make instant sun tea.
• you learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
• the temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
• you've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
• you would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face.
• you can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.
• The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
• you discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.
• you discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
• you notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
• hot water now comes out of both taps.
• it's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.
• you actually burn your hand opening the car door.
• you break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.
• no one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
• your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
• you realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
• a sad Arizonan once prayed, "I wish it would rain - not so much for me, cuz I've seen it -- but for my 7-year-old."

Ah, Arizona!

The devil wanted a place on earth
Sort of a summer home
A place to spend his vacation
Whenever he wanted to roam.

So he picked out Arizona
A place both wretched and rough
Where the climate was to his liking
And the cowboys hardened and tough.

He dried up the streams in the canyons
And ordered no rain to fall
He dried up the lakes in the valleys
Then baked and scorched it all.

Then over his barren country
He transplanted shrubs from hell.
The cactus, thistle and prickly pear
The climate suited them well.

Now the home was much to his liking
But animal life, he had none.
So he created crawling creatures
That all mankind would shun.

First he made the rattlesnake
With it's forked poisonous tongue.
Taught it to strike and rattle
And how to swallow it's young.

Then he made scorpions and lizards
And the ugly old horned toad.
He placed spiders of every description
Under rocks by the side of the road.

Then he ordered the sun to shine hotter,
Hotter and hotter still.
Until even the cactus wilted
And the old horned lizard took ill.

Then he gazed on his earthly kingdom
As any creator would
He chuckled a little up his sleeve
And admitted that it was good.

Twas summer now and Satan lay
By a prickly pear to rest.
The sweat rolled off his swarthy brow
So he took off his coat and vest.

"By Golly, " he finally panted,
"I did my job too well,
I'm going back to where I came from,
Arizona is hotter than Hell. "

As much as I'd like to, I can't take credit for the jokes or the poem.  I found them both when I googled "Phoenix forecast".  However, as I sit here at almost 1:30 in the morning with the temperature outside currently at 100°, I can certainly vouch for the validity of them! 
 
Once upon a time, in lands far away, I cherised my three all-too-brief glorious months of sunny, warm weather.  I longed for it the other nine months of the year while daydreaming of floating down a river, warm summer evenings, and barbeques galore!  Now?  I'm cranky, a little depressed, and CAN'T WAIT FOR WINTER! 
 
Arizona, you can take your summers and shove 'em where the sun don't shine!  Wait, on second thought, maybe you could just shove me there instead?